Knocking on Death's Door
by akaSailor Mars
Summary: A METMA challenge. Voldie chokes on a fish bone! I wonder what happens? R and R PLEASE!


Knocking on Death's Door  
By: akaSailor Mars  
I do not own any of the characters, except for the doctors, nurses, receptionist, and the crazy guy.  
  
"Wormtail, bring me my dinner!" a voice thundered. Wormtail stumbled into the dark  
room holding a large silver platter. He placed it by Lord Voldemort and lifted the silver dome.   
On the platter was the most delicious looking fish you had ever seen.  
"Yes, now I am truly becoming stronger!" Voldemort cackled.  
"Well, how do you know that?" questioned Wormtail.  
"When I am able to eat solid food, and not that spoiled snake milk, I must be stronger! I  
will be able to eat things that will make me healthy, and then I will KILL HARRY POTTER!"  
Voldemort said. He then cackles and takes a big bite out of the fish.  
Just then Ron Weasley runs in with a three cornered hat on his head and five death eaters  
chasing him. He stops, looks at Voldemort, and says, "Ha kova sheli shalosh peenot." Ron then  
runs away laughing and pointing to his hat.  
Voldemort blinks, and starts laughing. He doesn't realize that he still has fish in his  
mouth and Wormtail has failed to remove the fish bones. A bone slides down Voldemorts  
throught and nearly gets sucked down his windpipe when he gasps for air. He starts coughing  
and sputtering and such.  
Wormtail suddenly realizes Voldemort is choking and starts running around in circles  
screaming, "Get a doctor! Get a doctor!" In the process he gets so scared that he wets his pants.  
Voldemort is finally rushed to St. Mungo's by some death eaters trying to get him to  
change "death eaters" to "cheese heads." Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom walk down the hall, see  
Voldemort and start screaming. They collapse and start rolling around on the floor.  
A man dressed in white runs out, pushes the Longbottoms into a room, and scowls at  
Voldemort and the death eaters/cheese heads.   
"What do you want?" the man shouts.  
"Our master is choking, you must save him! He needs a doctor!" one of the death  
eaters/cheese heads pleads. Voldemort by now is blue and about to collapse himself.  
"Sir, this is a mental hospital. We do not have real doctors. Although we can medaflight  
him to St. John's, I don't know if he'll make it."  
Just then a guy runs out of a room wearing a hat identical to Ron's and says, "Ha kova  
sheli shalosh peenot!" Ron runs from the room and chases the guy, trying to get his hat back.   
Ron slips on a wet spot on the floor, does a double back-flip, and lands in a split.  
"I didn't know I could do that!" he exclaimed. He then jumped up and proceeded to chase  
the crazy guy.  
In the end, they finally get Voldemort to the hospital. A doctor performed the heimlick  
and the fish bone flew across the room. The doctor realized that Voldemort was extremely weak.  
"We had better keep you here until you are stronger," the doctor said. "Here. Put this  
on." He handed Voldemort a hospital gown.  
"Don't you have this in green?" Voldemort asked.  
"What's wrong with that one?" the doctor replied.  
"It's not green. I want green! Now!" he shouted.  
The death eaters pulled out their wands. "He wishes it to be green. Green it is! You will  
obey Lord Voldemort!" they said.  
The doctor pulled a passing nurse aside. He handed her the hospital gown and said, "Get  
this in green, please. If we don't have green, color it with a green marker, dye it, something!  
These guys are from St. Mungo's."  
The nurse hurried away with a grave look on her face. She was going to find a green  
gown if it killed her.  
"She'll have one for you in a minute. First, we should give you a check-up. Come this  
way." The doctor led Voldemort to a small, check-up room.  
As they entered the room Voldemort said, "Can't you just give me the muggle stuff and  
send me home?"  
"What 'muggle stuff'?" the doctor asked.  
Voldemort looked around the room and spotted a red trash can with the word,  
"Hazardous" on the lid. He lifted the lid, and stuck some used needles in his arm.  
"No! Oh, great! Now we'll have to test you for all sorts of diseases!" He took the needles  
from Voldemort's arm and put them in bags to be tested. He proceeded with the check-up. Then  
the nurse came in with the green, marker colored gown. She handed it to the doctor and left. He  
gave it to Voldemort and told him to put it on and stay in this room till he got back. The doctor  
asked the receptionist what room he could put Voldemort in. She told him room 202.  
The doctor took Voldemort to room 202 and took some blood and ran some tests. Later  
that day Voldemort had two visitors. Rita Skeeter came first.  
She entered the room with her alligator-skinned bag and pulled out parchment and her  
Quick Quotes Quill. She asked Voldemort a few questions and then left.  
Trelawney came next. She was wearing a tight red dress with a slit up to a tattoo on her  
thigh.  
"Hey, Voldie baby!" she said as the walked in. He looked at her puzzled.  
"What's that tattoo of? What does it say?" He asked.  
"Oh, that. It says, '*here*'. It's so I know how high I can slit my dresses. But that's not  
why I'm here. I'm here to tell you I'm going to kill you, um, I mean Harry. I see death in his  
future."  
"Oh! Do I kill him?" Voldemort asked.  
"No! I do!" With that, she took out a gun and shot Voldemort in the shoulder. She  
disapperated as the doctor rushed in. He rushed Voldemort to surgery, but he was okay.  
The next day Voldemort got a copy of the Daily Prophet. On the front page it said,  
"Voldemort Knocking on Death's Door, By: Rita Skeeter."  
"Goyle! Malfoy! Get in her NOW!" The two death eaters rushed in.  
"I want you to KILL RITA SKEETER!" he screeched.  
"Yes, my lord," they said and rushed out of the room. With that, Voldemort turned over  
and went to sleep.  
  
The lines are quotation marks. I copied and pasted this so I could use a spell checker. 


End file.
